Heart's Longing
by Autumn's.Reign
Summary: [Based on The Secret Garden][KxL] After the death of her parents, Lacus is sent to live with her uncle on Earth. Consumed by her grief, she is left alone, and soon finds love and happiness in her newfounded secret garden.
1. I

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED or the book _The Secret Garden._**

-

She was not always as she is now. She was a beautiful child, considerate of others and kind. Her hair was of the softest colour pink, shining and full. She wore lovely dresses of all colours and make. One would rarely ever see her with any expression other than happiness, which was mostly shown in her eyes, the colour of the sky, twinkling like the stars at night. Indeed, she was a joy to be around, she lifted the spirits of others, spread her kindness wherever her influence was accepted.

But that was all changed in one eventful day.

The sun had shone brightly that day, spreading its startling warmth through the earth, reaching out everywhere, so that no area was left in shadows. Mr. and Mrs. Clyne had traveled with their daughter, Lacus, to the PLANTS where they were to spend some time away from their home and their responsibilities with their work.

It was a much needed vacation, as they were hardly ever at home, always being needed at the office to sign one more document, one more board meeting, one more hour of important research. They were in politics, and they found early on in life that a life of politics was a demanding one. It left them with scarcely time to spend with their only child, Lacus. But being the good-natured child she was she bore it, the time she spent alone with no-one but her servants. Living with all the times her parents promised to be home earlier, only to cancel at the last moment. Every time they moved from place to place because of promotions.

She said nothing of the increasing loneliness in her heart to anyone. It never seemed important enough. So she continued on living how her parents told her to, moving into bigger and more extravagant houses, growing evermore desolate.

She learned to look forward to those few times a year when she got to spend more than two or three moments with them. She cherished those times more than anything else. When her father would touch her cheek, telling her how proud he was of her accomplishments with home schooling. When her mother would hold her hands in her own and tell her what a fine young woman she was becoming. They were the moments of pure bliss, when she could remember being the most happy.

She never had friends. She never went to a real school with children her own age. She had her tutors and her parents work colleagues always around her, and never had the time to go out and play like a normal child.

And so when her mother and father told her that they were to go on a holiday, just the three of them, she was ecstatic. The day they were to leave could not come quick enough.

That first day, the day they arrived at one of the many PLANTS for their long-awaited vacation, was the day everything changed for Lacus. The day everything about her altered. The day she grew up.

-

**Chapter One**

**The Loss of Childhood**

The night was rapidly losing its hours; the artificial sunlight soon to brighten the dark skies, when the noises started.

Lacus sat up in her bed, the covers sliding down to her lap. She was panic-stricken for a moment, trying to remember where she was and what was happening. When she realised where she was, in the expensive hotel room, she relaxed, though only slightly, still not knowing what was happening around her, half of her still asleep, among the dying memories of her dreams.

Slowly, she slid out from her warm bed, shivering as soon as the skin of her bare feet touched the cold floorboards. She snuck over to the door, pressing her ear to the wood, trying to decipher the sounds beyond it.

She could hear feet scurrying up and down the corridor, hushed whispers as people quickly exchanged some kind of news before hasting to return to what it was they were supposed to be doing. She frowned, what could possibly be happening?

Curious, Lacus turned the handle, poking her head out, and upon seeing all those who had been here only moments ago had vanished, she silently padded out into the now deserted corridor. Something was wrong, very wrong. It was late, and no one should have been about at this hour.

In mere moments she came to the door of her parents' room, the one just down the lavish hallway from her own. She pressed her ear to the wood, just as she had with the door to her room, straining to hear something within. She had a bad feeling about whatever it was that was happening, and she tried to discern something of the sounds happening with in her parent's room.

Feet were scuttling rapidly around the space, low whispers being uttered secretly. Then she heard something she wouldn't ever forget. The sound of her mother's anguished scream ripped through the air, filling her ears as Lacus desperately faught with herself, afflicted by whether or not to rush into the room. The sounds of a gun being fired, one shot after the other startled her out of her inner battle. Then there was silence.

Lacus shivered, from the cold of the corridor and from fear. What had happened? Why was someone in there with a gun? Her parents were helpless civilians, why would anyone target them?

Without knocking, or thinking fully of the dire consequences which could arise, she turned the brass door handle and opened the door, leaving it open as she stepped hesitantly inside, letting the light from behind her flood into the deadly silent room. It took her eyes some minutes to register just what she was seeing. Her parent's room was dark; the curtains were drawn, the window thrown open, letting the artificial moonlight penetrate the thick darkness in the room, the light from behind her clashing with it to create more light to see by, but not enough to see clearly.

"Father?" Lacus called softly into the gloom. "Mother?" She feared what would happen. For several seconds, she just stood there, waiting for her parents to answer her, but she heard nothing, and saw no movement from the large bed in the centre of the room.

Unsure of what she would find, but in need of some sort of assurance, she crept towards the bed, where she saw the lumpy forms of her parents lying under the rich covers.

After what seemed like a millennium to her, Lacus reached the bedside. She stared at her mothers back, stationary inches from her. With shaking hands, Lacus reached out towards her mothers shoulder and shook it.

"Mother?" She said, her voice wavering. "Mother, are you okay? Are you awake?" When she yet again received no answer, she gently turned her mother onto her back, recoiling and crying out in grief as her own eyes met with the dead, lifeless ones of her mother.


	2. II

**A/N: **Sorry about OOCness. And the shortness of it all, but I felt that the chapter should stop there.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED or the book _The Secret Garden _by Frances Hodgson Burnett.**

-----

The car made its way slowly along the dirt road, which seemed to be going on forever. Lacus sat silent and still in the backseat, looking out the window as the bare scenery passed her by. Her eyes were misty; she wasn't really looking at what was in front of her. She was still lost in her memory of that night, a week ago when she first saw the dead eyes of her mother. Shivers ran up her spine at the memory.

She would remember that hollowness that was in the eyes of her mother that night, how their usual preoccupied look was not there as it had always been, and how Lacus knew it would never be there again. She had noticed the blood staining her mothers beautiful face, and seen the punctures on her mothers chest, the great cavities where the bullets she had heard being fired had entered her body and killed her.

Looking at her own hands, Lacus had suppressed a sob, seeing the smeared blood on her usually spotlessly clean hands. She hadn't understood. She still didn't understand, nor could she see how she would ever understand. Though her parents were rarely in her life, she knew them enough that she couldn't see why they deserved that fate. They were business people. They were unimportant to the whole of life, weren't they?

It was hard, seeing her mother and father like that, knowing how they spent their last living moments. Helpless, in their night clothes, murdered.

She had watched, fascinated in her state of grief as the scene was observed over and over, pictures taken, records made, police filing in and out, her parents bodies removed and taken away, obscured from her view, and then the muttering about the suspicious circumstances of the entire ordeal filled her ears.

They thought she couldn't hear them, or that she was simply ignoring what was being discussed, but she had. She had heard everything. Why kill the parents and not the daughter? What had the Clyne's been dealing in that made them a target? What will they do with the poor, orphaned child who sat so still, so silent in a forgotten corner?

She didn't care. How could she care? They can do their tests, try and track down those who committed the murder, but they wouldn't find them. Lacus wasn't even sure she wanted them to be found. Her life was gone now. She had lost the only people that had ever been important to her. She had seen their dead bodies; she had heard their last moments in life. She wanted nothing more but to become invisible, unimportant and forgotten, to be left on her own to do as she pleased.

-----

**Chapter Two**

Sitting beside her in the car was the woman who had introduced herself to Lacus as Ms. Natarle Badgiruel, housekeeper of her uncle's estate. She sat straight in her seat, and Lacus could tell that she was a strict woman, who did not stand for any sort of disobedience. Ms. Badgiruel had met Lacus at the shuttle bay, after her long trip from the PLANTS to Earth. Lacus had seen the way that she had looked at her, knowing that she was already comparing her to the picture she had drawn in her mind of her mother, her uncle had no doubt told the entire household was a great beauty.

She had never met him, her uncle. He had moved to Earth before she had been born, and had never returned to the PLANTS since. She was unsure as to why; her mother had never told Lacus much about her older brother, whom the family had become estranged to after the death of his beloved wife, when he had become a different man, the circumstances of which Lacus had never been able to find out, even through all her prying. All she knew was that he had taken the death badly and had moved somewhere, as far away as he could, to get away from the memories which must have haunted him, constantly reminding of the better times he had lived through.

Lacus hoped she would not have to see him much. Though he was the only kin she had left, she did not particularly want there to be the necessity of her having to see him all that much. Who wants to spend large amounts of time around an old lonely man whose heart had been broken long ago?

She sighed and shifted in her seat, pulling her plain black skirt down uncomfortably as she did so. Ms. Badgiruel chose then to speak.

"Now, Miss Lacus, when we get to your uncle's home, there are a few things you need to know about how things are run." She started in what must have been her best no-nonsense tone of voice. "First, the master is not accustomed to children in his household, so therefore you must not be running about in and out of rooms and up and down corridors." Lacus was mildly offended. Just how old did this woman presume she was? She was no child up to any good; she was a girl of sixteen, a young woman, responsible and had a head full of knowledge and sense.

"Rooms have been made ready for you, where you will spend your time indoors. You are not to venture into one of the many rooms about the place. There are at least one hundred rooms in the manor and you are limited to but a select few. You will do best to remember that. The master will see you when he is ready, but not straight away, he is newly come back from one of his frequent vacations, and is tired and in need of his rest, his health is not so good these days. I will see to you and that you get all that you need. You are under my care, and will be looked after well enough."

Lacus faught the urge to smile, this woman was being so snappy, as if it were all Lacus's fault she had to be looked after. But at least she wouldn't have to meet with her uncle often. Hopefully he would go on his 'vacations' often and for long periods of time.

"You will stay out of everyone's way and not get into trouble. I am a busy woman, Miss Lacus and I do not need the extra burden of a young girl on my hands as it is." Was she repeating herself? Lacus wondered. It seemed she was saying the same thing over and over again. Well, she got the point. Don't stray from her rooms. Stay away from every living being in the manor. Wow, Lacus thought with a sigh, how utterly depressing.

"We are almost there now, just do as I told you and living in your uncle's home will be fine." Stiffly Lacus nodded, looking out the window once more, her mask of indifference firmly in place.

In the far distance she could make out the form of the manor, standing alone amidst the grass of the moor in the dying daylight. A few of the lights were on in the many windows; Lacus saw them flickering slightly as they neared.

Soon, she was standing out in the open air, the wind beating on her back as the stars twinkled overhead in the night. She shivered slightly with cold as two men rushed from the large oaken main doors to retrieve her belongings from the boot of the car. Pulling her cloak closer about her petite form, Lacus looked up at the grand building she was standing before, awed by its magnificence. It was large; Lacus could see that Ms. Badgiruel was not lying when she said it had near one hundred rooms.

Seeing the housekeeper beckon to her, Lacus followed the woman into the manor through the doors, another servant man holding it open with his white-gloved hands. Keeping close to the housekeeper, Lacus trotted dutifully after her as she scaled a grand staircase, then down a long hallway, and up another short set of stairs, before coming to a halt before a door identical to all the others they had passed. Ms. Badgiruel then took out a large ring of keys, selecting one and opening the door with it.

"This is your room." She said, pushing the door wide open. "Connected to it is another room, where you will eat your meals and play in. Remember, you are not to go wandering." She signaled for the two men with Lacus's luggage to deposit it in the large wooden wardrobe at the far side of the room.

"There are few modern devices in the manor, this being an old estate from long ago, therefore not updated with such frivolities that are available now. So you will be amusing yourself with reading and so forth." She set her firm gaze on Lacus, seeming to impress the matter upon her. "I will check on you every few days. Goodnight." And with that, she exited the room, her black skirts swishing behind her as she shut the door with a brisk snap.

-----

Sighing as she rolled over in bed to get more comfortable, Lacus opened one of her eyes a slit. Sunlight was streaming strongly through the cream-coloured curtains on the old-fashioned windows. Yawning, Lacus sat up in bed, not at all sure if she really wanted to be awake in the first place. She hadn't slept all that well.

"Well good day Miss." A cheerful voice said from the floor at the foot of her bed.

Lacus started, looking at the grinning girl kneeling at the hearth of the fireplace. She held a metal scrubbing brush and seemed to be cleaning the grate of the fire, a basket of fresh wood sitting beside her.

"Hello." Lacus said, blinking owlishly. "Who are you?" she asked, noting the lower servant's uniform she wore.

Standing, the girl did a small, clumsy curtsy.

"I am Cagalli, Miss, the housekeeper's handmaid." She replied good-naturedly. "I'll be the one to bring up your meals and see to you most often as not."

"I'm Lacus." Lacus replied, sinking back into her fluffy pillows. She turned her eyes once more to the windows, which Cagalli was now opening, restricting the curtains back in their cords.

"Is there really nothing to do here but read?" she asked the servant girl, thinking back on what Ms. Badgiruel had informed her of the night before.

Smiling, Cagalli returned back to her task of cleaning the fire grate before answering.

"Well, Miss, that is one of the more obvious things to do, but one would tire of it after so long, don't you think?" Lacus was intrigued by this common girl. She was a lowly servant, yet she spoke to Lacus as one would to a friend, not someone of higher class than they. Even her parent's servants had been formal towards her, no matter how much she insisted upon them being more lax.

"Well, I suppose." Lacus answered, swinging her legs over the side of her large, king-sized bed. "But, I have never lived anywhere other than the PLANTS. I have always had technology around me. I'm not sure what to do without it, to be honest."

Lacus stood up, her bare feet meeting the antique rug adorning the floor. She walked over to the window, looking across the early morning view of the moor. She was awed by it. Living all her life in the synthetic surroundings of the PLANTS, Lacus felt the difference in the unique setting of the English moor. The endless fields were breathtaking, with the birds flying overhead across, singing happily in the fresh, crisp air. The wild plants, the shining sun and blue sky, all real, all authentic, were all new and exciting to Lacus.

"You'll find things to do; there is always something to do here." Cagalli said vaguely.


End file.
